WHO AM I BEING?

Who am I being right now? Who was I being in that situation? These are questions I ask myself every day? I want to know. If I am interacting and the interaction feels uncomfortable–who am I being that this feels so bad? Over the years I have created many images of myself which I find myself defending, attacking, or portraying to others.

A few weeks ago I found myself in a conversation where the other person became very impatient with me. I, then, became impatient with his impatience. I called attention to his impatience and made it clear I didn’t like it. The next day I asked myself: “Who was I being that the person talking to me became very impatient?” The answer came: “I’m the kind of person who deserves to be treated with respect”. This person wasn’t giving me what I deserved, so obviously he was out of line.

This is the kind of thinking that gets us into more conflict. A Course in Miracles says there are only two kinds of thinking–love and fear. In love, I am caring and responsive toward myself and others. I am able to see the good in the other person. In fear I feel threatened and resistant both toward myself and the other. I tend to add up the faults of the other person and, of course, affirm my virtues. I tell myself this other person is disrespectful, impatient, unappreciative of me, and doesn’t listen. I tell myself that I am respectful, communicating well, and would never treat her disrespectfully. This is how the image justifies itself. Does this sound a little silly? I hope so, because it is silly. It is also common, everyday, insane communications between people.

Here’s the rule of thumb: if I think someone else is a problem person, then I’m the problem. This doesn’t mean people don’t do inconsiderate and even horrible things. This doesn’t mean that I never talk to someone else about their poor behavior. It means that my discomfort, my anger, my resentment, and my irritation are not about them. Who am I being that I felt and spoke and acted the way I did? As Stephen Covey has said: “How you see the problem is the problem.”. Yet, it goes beyond perception. It’s who I am being that is the problem.

If I am going through my day and I feel great, my relationships feel great, and I feel in alignment with my Self I get to say, “Great! I’m doing it. I’m in the flow. I’m responding to people and to life. I’m expressing love.” If things aren’t going well, people are impatient with me, and I feel uncomfortable, I get to ask myself the question: “Who am I being that these things are happening?” Am I the kind of person who prizes suffering? Do I maintain it by refusing to forgive others? Am I the kind of person who likes drama? Am I starring in a drama where everyone else is wrong and I, alone, am right? Am I the hero who is going to set everyone else straight? Who am I being?

It can be difficult to get past our self justifying images because we have spent so many years crafting and protecting them. The truth is, these images are a lot of work to keep up. We must be constantly vigilant and on the defense. Wouldn’t it be great to let go of the job of image management and just respond to people. Once you have decided to become aware of self justifying images and let them go the results are immediate. You extend an open invitation to all others to do the same. A sense of ease flows through you. Relationships become easier when you are responding, recognizing the humanity in others, and seeing the good in them. Others begin changing because you have given them someone different to respond to. Your love inspires, uplifts, and enlivens each person you encounter. It’s not what you do for others that uplifts them; it is who you are being.

great aritcle man keep it up.